How to Make Time for Your Marriage When You Don't Have the Time - RelateAble

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How to Make Time for Your Marriage When You Don’t Have the Time

27 Jan 16
Chavonne Perotte

No Time written in wihite paper with red pen

It’s hard to believe we are in March of 2016. I mean, where is the time going?

There were probably so many things you wanted to accomplish in these first couple of months. You know, start the year off right?

But your to-do list just keeps growing and the time you have just keeps on shrinking.

Everyone needs something from you.

People from work.

The kids.

Your family.

This person and that person.

It all feels so overwhelming.

During these busy times (and it’s always a busy time, right?), it’s so easy to let your marriage take a back seat.

I mean, after muddling through countless emails and endless meetings, after making it through your exhausting commute and picking up the kids, you come home to a laundry list of things to do.

Where is there time to “work on your marriage” and get things back on track? You are completely exhausted and have nothing left to give.

Of course, you see that things are not really going that great.

It’s like you two have a totally different relationship.

You don’t feel connected. You don’t talk like you used to.

You’re on edge and just annoyed with so many things.

And the thought of having sex is the farthest thing from your mind.

You’ve thought about addressing what’s going on, but you don’t know where to start. And again, there is just no time.

I get it.

I wanted to offer you a few quick ways to take some baby steps to move things in a better direction. I know it feels like you can’t add one more thing to your plate right now. I also know that having a happier, and more connected relationship with your husband will make everything else seem so much more manageable.

If you’ve read this far, I hope you will keep reading and that you’ll be inspired to find 2 minutes or even 5 seconds to do some of the ideas I offer below. These small actions really can make a big difference and help you get to a happier place right away.

So here goes, 10 quick actions you can take to prioritize your marriage when there is little time to do so.

#1. Text throughout the day.

You are probably sending tons of text messages throughout the day to a variety of people anyway. When texting your husband, stretch yourself to send those “for no reason” text. You know the ones that say, “Saw this and just thought of you” or “I miss you” or “Hope you are having a good day.” Or you can have a mini conversation sharing parts of your day. The point is to remain connected even when you are physically apart.


#2. Skip that TV show.

Now, the fact that Scandal is on the winter break should free up an hour of your time on Thursday evening. What have you been doing? Have you found another TV show? Well, either way, I’d love to inspire you to skip that TV show, even if it’s just once a week. I know, it’s your outlet. After the day is done there is nothing better than cozying up on your couch or in your bed to watch TV. But if we are really honest with ourselves, what does TV really contribute to our lives? If we don’t have the time to take care of one of the most important relationships we have, how can we have the time for that?


#3. Watch that TV show together.

OK, I know you are not feeling me on #2, so I added this one! If you MUST watch that show, why not watch it together, or find a show that both of you would enjoy. During the commercials, you can debrief and talk about your reactions or theories about what’s going to happen next. It’s not so much about finding something you both equally love, but it’s about prioritizing that time together with something you can connect on. You know how much fun you have talking with your best girlfriends about the latest episode of _____________ (fill in the blank), you can have the same amount of fun with your husband. After all, he should really be your best friend!


#4. Call him on your commute.

It may seem silly to talk to your husband on your commute when you’ll see him that same day, but it’s a great time for real adult conversation. Where you don’t have to spell out words or talk in code so the kids don’t catch what you are talking about. If you do this on your way to work, it will feel like you’re taking a piece of him and carrying it with you throughout the day. If you do this on your way home, when you come together face to face, that awkward feeling of trying to reconnect after a long day is diminished. The important thing is to take advantage of the time and talk about things out of the ordinary. Not the logistics of what you’ll have for dinner or other household issues, but something meaningful that will really make you feel closer.


#5. Do chores together instead of tag-teaming.

As women, we are natural multi-taskers. We can instantly understand what needs to be done and quickly see how if he does x while you do y, you can save so much time. A few minutes may be saved, but it also results in more time you are not together. How about, maybe once per week, you guys do a chore together? Cooking, washing dishes, laundry, prepping lunches, getting the kids ready for bed…try to find something that you can just as easy do together. And try to get over the fact that it may not be the MOST efficient use of time – hopefully the quality time together will outweigh all that!


#6. Go on errands together.

Need to make a quick trip to the post office, grocery store, or gas station? Why not go together? Again, this may not be the quickest way to get things done, but it’s a lot more fun when you have company with you. Spending quality time together doesn’t have to mean some grand date night, or romantic evening. It can be as simple as the little day to day things you have to do anyway – just finding a way to do them together.


#7. Go to bed at the same time.

Maybe in your relationship, there is one person that’s the night owl and the other is the early bird. And instead of spending those last few minutes of the day together, you check your email or Facebook or catch a few minutes of TV. Maybe you can consider spending the last 5 minutes of the night together. Sharing a funny or interesting story from your day, saying a prayer together, or just cuddling for a minute. And if one person is not ready to turn in, they can quietly exit as soon as the other falls asleep.


#8. Go to work later or come home a little early.

There are a million and one reasons why we might be late or need to leave work early on any given day. Why not have one of those reasons to spend time with your husband? Go in a little late so you can have breakfast together, or leave a little early for some quite alone time. The work will always be there waiting, but your time together is few and far between.


#9. Schedule a lunch date.

Be honest here, if a close girlfriend wanted to meet you for lunch during the week, you’d find a way to make it happen. And it would probably be the highlight of your day. A time to take a break from work and catch up with someone you love spending time with. What about doing that with your husband? Again, on the surface, you may ask why given you live with him, and “see” him all the time. But breaking your regular routine can be refreshing, and the quality time alone will definitely be worth it. And if your place of work is too far for that to be a realistic option, how about taking lunch at the same time and spending a few minutes on the phone together?


#10. Start a daily or weekly ritual.

Maybe it’s some combination of the ideas already presented here. Maybe it’s something new altogether like working out together, having a nightcap, dancing to a love song, giving massages, or something similar. Create something that you both look forward to, a moment of protected time where just for that instant, nothing else is more important.

So there you have it, 10 simple ways to make time for each other when there is no time. I really want to inspire you to take action. I don’t want this to just be a good read, or something where you’ll think about doing some of the ideas presented. Let’s challenge ourselves to TAKE ACTION!

In fact, I want to invite you to a special LOVE CHALLENGE I’m offering this month. Each week, I’ll send out a video (less than 2 minute) video with a quick and simple action you should take some time over the course of the week. There will be additional blog posts to help reinforce the goal of the week, and other surprises along the way to help keep you motivated. I’ve done similar challenges with women and almost all of them found it to be soooo helpful and extremely fun! If you are looking to reconnect, rebuild or prioritize your love, now is the time to get started, with support, and ideas. No need to reinvent the wheel. I’m sharing the things I know will work for you. And I promise it won’t feel like 1 more thing on your to-do list. We start March 7th. Sign up now and join the fun!!!



  1. Aishia March 11, 2016 at 5:10 pm Reply

    This was refreshing to read. It can seem so hard to “make time” for your marriage when you are expected to do EVERYTHING else and be thrilled about doing it. These things are so simple and even some that I already do but didn’t realize the weight of them because at times even though they are in action, something else may be taking away from the gesture. Now that’s where the complications come in. How do you overcome those actions not seeming like you are making the time? Or even though it seems to be something that you do on a regular basis your spouse doesn’t seem to recognize or acknowledge you are making time for them…how do you overcome something like that?

    • Chavonne Perotte March 15, 2016 at 12:56 am Reply

      Thank you so much for this comment and your great question. You are so right, sometimes these simple actions don’t really come across like you are making time for your spouse. That can be frustrating, especially when you feel like you are trying. So, what I would say, is first remember you can’t control what someone else thinks. If your intentions are good and you know you are doing all that you can, or going above and beyond, you should feel really good about that and keep it up. Don’t let yourself get too discouraged, and remember that some action is still better than no action.

      The other thing you might want to try is to be more explicit with your spouse that you are really trying to show your love and make time for the relationship. Ask him what are the things you do that he appreciates or that make him feel loved. Make sure you are doing those things. Lots of times we have different love languages (you can google the 5 love languages to learn more if you are unfamiliar) and you may be expressing your love in a way he doesn’t notice and vice versa. Being able to incorporate his love language into your efforts may make a big difference. Good luck! Keep me posted on how things go…

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