All marriages start out great.
You’re ecstatic to have found the love of your life.
You are filled with so much joy and anticipation for how your life will unfold.
Never in a million years could you imagine not being this much in love.
The things you adore about your husband are endless.
Then somewhere along the way, your picture perfect marriage takes a turn.
You notice things that really get on your nerves.
You get irritated by some of the things he does or says.
Life gets so busy, and you become so overwhelmed that the connection between you begins to wane.
You wonder what happened to the man you married. He seems to have changed so much.
Your mind is filled with a ton of questions.
“Why does he do that?”
“Why can’t he just…”
“If he would only…”
“What will it take to get him to…”
“Why can’t he be…”
You’re not alone in asking these questions.
When things are not great, it’s soooo easy to look at the other person and notice what they should be doing. How you’d like them to be different. That if they would only make this small change, everything would be better.
Unfortunately, that’s something you have 100% no control over.
But you already knew that. You’ve heard all the quotes about you can never make someone change. You know that’s the case, but somewhere deep inside you pray to God that he will change for the better. And when you can, you try to help along the way.
I get it.
And while God can definitely change people, that’s something done in His own time. Not ours.
So instead of impatiently asking “when will he change?” I want to offer one question that I’ve found has the power to dramatically change your marriage for the better right away. That question is this:
What can I do to become a better wife?
I believe this is one of the most powerful questions we as women can ask ourselves on a regular basis. It’s the type of question that empowers us to take control over those things we can actually influence. It sets our mind to work in productive ways that move us past that feeling of being stuck.
Our happiness no longer depends on what our husband does or doesn’t do, but our happiness comes directly from ourselves and our own actions.
I know, that’s not the question you wanted to hear. And you don’t feel like you really need to.
You’re already doing what you can to make your marriage better.
You’re already trying to be more patient. More kind. More understanding.
You’re already putting forth the effort and are trying to work on yourself.
But let me ask you, what does that really mean?
I know for me, sometimes that means just staying to myself, trying not to complain, and eventually, starting not to care. Those actions may have their place, but in really answering and acting on the question, “What can I do to become a better wife” involves making an effort.
It means going out of your way to be loving when you may not want to.
It means being compassionate, forgiving and giving your husband the benefit of the doubt.
It means being a helpmate that always has his back.
It means holding your tongue when you want to say something smart.
It’s being open minded to see the good instead of always focusing on the bad.
It means praying that God would speak to you, showing you how to love your husband in the way he needs to be loved.
It means saying a kind word, showing your appreciation, and admiring the great things about your husband.
Essentially, becoming a better wife, is becoming all of those things you want to see in your husband.
You be the example. You be a better you. You become the best spouse.
Eventually, you will be giving your husband a better version of yourself to respond to. And we all know how hard it is to be unloving and unkind to someone who is so loving and kind.
But more importantly, you are becoming a better version of you. You are happier. You feel lighter. And everything seems just a little better in your life. And that is definitely worth giving a try.
So tell me, what can you do to become a better wife?
And if you found this question helpful or inspiring, I’ve got more for you! I’ve actually created a list of 21 empowering questions that you can ask yourself each day to help you feel happier, more hopeful and optimistic about whatever is happening in your marriage. It’s like giving yourself a daily pep talk and helps you train your mind to have a more positive outlook. It’s an instant pick-me-up.
Here are some examples:
In what ways is my husband the right person for me?
What is this marriage teaching me that I need to know?
What relationship goal am I working toward right now?
Who do I want to become in this relationship?
No matter where you find yourself in your marriage, asking and answering these questions will make a difference for the better. It takes less than a minute, but can change how you see things for the entire day. Give it a try!
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