When it comes to your marriage problems, have you ever asked yourself this question, “Is it him, or is it just me?”
Are there low points where you try to determine if you are just over-reacting, or being too sensitive?
Do you ever wonder if you’re making a big deal about something, or letting your irrational fears rule your mind?
Do you ever feel like nothing your husband does ever makes you happy and that you have a hard time finding anything positive to say about him?
I’m sure he could do better. I’m sure he even needs to do better.
But, you also have to ask, are there things you probably need to get better at too?
Like managing your emotions?
Like controlling your words?
Like cutting down on how much you complain about when it comes to him?
Like learning to focus on what’s going right instead of everything that’s going wrong?
It’s easy to fall into these phases from time to time.
But when the phase becomes your way of being, that’s when you really do want to investigate that question: Is it him or is it you?
On the surface you might just say, it’s both of you.
And you’d be right.
But if you look a little deeper, you’ll see the ways you might be allowing certain situations to bring out aspects of yourself you don’t like very much.
Your insecurities.
Your trust issues.
Your fears, concerns and worries.
Feeling like you’re not good enough.
Questions about if he really loves you or not.
Doubts about your future together.
If you look a little deeper, you might see how the resentment building up inside you needs to be cleared out.
How you look at him with so much anger and frustration.
How cold and hard your heart has grown.
How much you have begun to enjoy time away from each other.
If you look a little deeper, you might notice how some of your old wounds keep coming back up to create more distance between you.
Scars from being rejected.
Dismissed.
Overlooked.
Unloved.
Made to feel unimportant.
If you look a little deeper, you might become aware of how much you need to start loving yourself again.
How you don’t do anything for yourself.
How you don’t like the reflection you see in the mirror.
How your self-esteem is low and you cover it up with material things or your professional accomplishments.
How you are not even sure of exactly who you are anymore.
Those are beautiful things to realize.
Because once you are aware of them, you have the opportunity to transform them.
See yourself as a confident, trusting, self-assured, loving wife.
See yourself madly in love with your husband, rushing through the day just so you can spend more time with him.
See yourself as a woman who is accepted, appreciated and adored.
See yourself as a woman who is beautiful, whole and complete from the inside out.
There is some part of you that’s wanting to be better.
There is some part of you that wants to rise above this situation right now and live in a place of total love and peace.
There is some part of you that still believes this will all work out and that you’ll have your happily ever after.
Because you know you owe that to yourself.
You owe it to your marriage.
You owe it to your children.
You owe it to God.
If that’s you, let’s talk.
Your life is too important to have unanswered questions.
You are too amazing to sit in this place of confusion.
Your marriage is too valuable to let sink further and further down.
Let’s answer the questions.
Let’s find the solutions.
And let’s lift your marriage higher.
Are there low points where you try to determine if you are just over-reacting, or being too sensitive?
Do you ever wonder if you’re making a big deal about something, or letting your irrational fears rule your mind?
Do you ever feel like nothing your husband does ever makes you happy and that you have a hard time finding anything positive to say about him?
I’m sure he could do better. I’m sure he even needs to do better.
But, you also have to ask, are there things you probably need to get better at too?
Like managing your emotions?
Like controlling your words?
Like cutting down on how much you complain about when it comes to him?
Like learning to focus on what’s going right instead of everything that’s going wrong?
It’s easy to fall into these phases from time to time.
But when the phase becomes your way of being, that’s when you really do want to investigate that question: Is it him or is it you?
On the surface you might just say, it’s both of you.
And you’d be right.
But if you look a little deeper, you’ll see the ways you might be allowing certain situations to bring out aspects of yourself you don’t like very much.
Your insecurities.
Your trust issues.
Your fears, concerns and worries.
Feeling like you’re not good enough.
Questions about if he really loves you or not.
Doubts about your future together.
If you look a little deeper, you might see how the resentment building up inside you needs to be cleared out.
How you look at him with so much anger and frustration.
How cold and hard your heart has grown.
How much you have begun to enjoy time away from each other.
If you look a little deeper, you might notice how some of your old wounds keep coming back up to create more distance between you.
Scars from being rejected.
Dismissed.
Overlooked.
Unloved.
Made to feel unimportant.
If you look a little deeper, you might become aware of how much you need to start loving yourself again.
How you don’t do anything for yourself.
How you don’t like the reflection you see in the mirror.
How your self-esteem is low and you cover it up with material things or your professional accomplishments.
How you are not even sure of exactly who you are anymore.
Those are beautiful things to realize.
Because once you are aware of them, you have the opportunity to transform them.
See yourself as a confident, trusting, self-assured, loving wife.
See yourself madly in love with your husband, rushing through the day just so you can spend more time with him.
See yourself as a woman who is accepted, appreciated and adored.
See yourself as a woman who is beautiful, whole and complete from the inside out.
There is some part of you that’s wanting to be better.
There is some part of you that wants to rise above this situation right now and live in a place of total love and peace.
There is some part of you that still believes this will all work out and that you’ll have your happily ever after.
Because you know you owe that to yourself.
You owe it to your marriage.
You owe it to your children.
You owe it to God.
If that’s you, let’s talk.
Your life is too important to have unanswered questions.
You are too amazing to sit in this place of confusion.
Your marriage is too valuable to let sink further and further down.
Let’s answer the questions.
Let’s find the solutions.
And let’s lift your marriage higher.
I’d love to invite you to join my email community where you can receive encouragement, resources and advice to strengthen your marriage and your life.
To the answers within you…
Dr. Chavonne
