No one ever gets married to become miserable.
Yet, somehow over time, disappointments set in, hurt feelings begin to mount up, and conflict seems more the norm than the exception.
The days, weeks, and months spent with tension and being uncomfortable in each other’s presence feels unbearable at times.
Being married and miserable is absolutely one of the worst feelings in the world.
But what if it didn’t HAVE to be that way?
What if all the misery and suffering your experience didn’t HAVE to be your reality all the time?
What if there was a way of seeing and thinking about what’s happening in your marriage that gave you hope and faith that all was going to be okay, and more than that, YOU would be better on the other side of all of this?
What if you could actually believe that the issues and challenges in your marriage were here to push you to step into a version of yourself that literally astounds you?
I want you to consider for a moment, that could be the case.
It could be that this situation you’ve been dealing with is happening FOR you and for your good, as opposed to being something to bring you down.
I could be that you and your husband will actually have a stronger, better and more fulfilling relationship for having gone through this dark season.
And here’s what you also need to know:
You don’t have to stay miserable in the process.
I know sometimes when things are not going well, it seems like the only two options you have are to separate or to just remain miserable forever.
But there are other (and better) options if you open yourself up to believing in them just as much as you believe in your misery.
And the key to ending this miserable cycle in your marriage starts with ending the miserable cycle in your mind.
In order for your experience to change, you first have to change your thoughts, beliefs, and the story you tell yourself about it all.
Then you must allow your actions to move you toward what you want to create instead.
Yesterday, I listened to a talk by Aya Eneli , and she said this:
Suffering is the story we layer on top of pain.
Mmmmm….
What did she really mean?
She meant that pain in a marriage is inevitable.
That your husband is going to do things that upset you, hurt your feelings, and cause you to be disappointed.
But what you do in those moments, and the amount of pain and suffering you experience has more to do with the story you MAKE UP AND CONTINUE TO TELL yourself about the situation.
We assign meaning to things in ways that often leave us feeling broken and miserable instead of feeling empowered and full of hope.
I work with women and couples to help them flip the switch.
I help them find the hope in a situation they’ve been telling themselves is hopeless.
I help them see the ways they are the solution they’ve been looking for in their marriage.
I help them uncover and then remove the limiting beliefs that are driving their unhealthy emotions and behaviors.
I help them actually take the right steps to positively influence the way their spouse responds to them.
Part of my process includes asking a specific set of questions that uncover the things that often, we are too blind to see.
I want to pose one of those questions to you right now:
What’s one positive thought you could tell yourself that makes you feel better and more hopeful about with the state of your marriage?
Pause.
Spend a minute coming up with an answer that you actually believe.
Write it down.
Read it.
Let it take root within your mind.
The truth is, we have these types of better and more helpful thoughts pass through our mind all the time.
And that’s the problem.
They become passing thoughts that we allow to come and go, while the other more detrimental ways of thinking become our norm.
But that’s where your power lies.
That’s where you can turn something that’s making you miserable into something you learn to master.
You have to master your thinking.
You have to turn off the old record that causes you to suffer and turn on a new one that causes you to soar.
If you COULDN’T come up with an answer…
If you couldn’t come up with a new thought to the question above, that’s a sign your way of thinking is clouding your judgment and you are likely in a state of rejecting all hope and any signs that things could get better.
It’s okay if that’s where you now, as long as you don’t allow yourself to stay there.
You have to train yourself to grab on to hope and to look for the signs that everything is going to be okay no matter what it looks like right now.
You have to get a vision, a picture, an image in your mind of where God is taking you and your marriage, and how ultimately the story ends well.
You have to turn the focus off of what’s going wrong, and focus on what could potentially go right.
If you DID come up with an answer…
If you could come up with an new thought to the question above, but quickly found a voice in your head rejecting it, or speaking doubt into your mind, it’s more important than ever that you get the right tools and strategies to empower the right voice to always win.
You’ve got to make this become your dominating thought, and then act on that new way of thinking.
You have to let this better way of thinking move you to do the things that will change the direction your marriage is heading.
This better belief will lead you toward the path of love.
It will melt the hurt, resentment, and pride so that your true spirit of love, kindness and compassion take over.
You will find it so much easier to reach out to your husband.
You will find yourself drawn to him and see all that makes him an amazing human being.
You will connect to his heart and soul in ways that you’ve been longing for.
You will inspire him to reach back out to you and show his love and affection in return.
Would you trade that for your misery right now ?
I’m pretty sure you said yes.
And sometimes, getting to the place you want to be means you need a helping hand to guide you to getting there.
I’d love to support you in getting to a better place in your marriage.
I’ve opened up my calendar to take on 3 new private clients who are committed to changing their mindset and to healing their marriage from the inside out.
Are you one of the 3?
If so, I invite you to start with my complimentary consultation call.
This 30 minute call will allow us to talk directly, and to determine if my approach and coaching services can help you better navigate the situation you are in right now.
CLICK HERE TO SCHEDULE YOUR COMPLIMENTARY CALL
In the meantime, I encourage you to keep thinking about the question above.
Your misery and suffering right now is optional.
You can reframe what’s happening in a way that empowers you, even in an undesirable situation.
And it’s that new way of thinking that will move you to take the right steps that ultimately heal your marriage.
