So you finally had a serious conversation about you and your husband going to therapy.
You came up with all your reasons why it was the right next thing to do.
You shared how unhappy you are, and how much pain you are in.
You told him how you thought it could be helpful, and move you both forward as a couple.
And he still said no.
The disappointment you feel is soul crushing.
You feel so defeated and hopeless.
What are you supposed to do now?
How will things ever get better if he’s not willing to change his mind?
I’ve been in that place before, and I know how heartbreaking it can be.
But I’m here now to offer you a perspective that will make your next step feel like the best step of all instead of like an option that you reluctantly consider.
Get the help YOU need.
At the end of the day, you are the one in pain.
You are the one suffering and so unhappy with the way things are.
And right now your husband doesn’t think it’s as bad as you do, isn’t willing to address his part in your failing marriage, or doesn’t think it’s worth the investment of time and money for something he’s not convinced can be fixed.
He’s allowed to see it that way.
And you shouldn’t judge him or resent him for that.
In fact, his resistance could be exactly what you need to push you to where you’re supposed to be.
It could be a gift in disguise.
But what’s most important in moving you forward right now is that you put your own emotional well-being above his refusal.
He DOES NOT get to determine how you help yourself in this situation.
He DOES NOT get to hold you hostage in this state of uncertainty.
He DOES NOT get to rob you of having your own internal sense of peace and happiness.
Only you can do that.
Men operate from a place of certainty. He needs evidence that things will get better before things actually get better.
And the way to inspire a change in him is to demonstrate a change in you.
Specifically, you must stop asking him to do something he is not ready to do.
You must stop being so critical of the things you do not like about him.
You must stop allowing your feelings to fool you into thinking life would be better without him right now.
You must embody the change you want to see.
Not so much for him, but for you.
Right now you are the only one interfering with your progress.
You can fool yourself into thinking it’s him (I did that once) and stay stuck waiting for him to be different or change his mind.
You may stay there, in unhappiness, for a really long time
Or you can put your happiness squarely in your own hands and create something that only you can make happen for yourself.
You can turn to the true source of all happiness, joy and peace, and allow God to fill those empty parts of your heart your husband is just not aware of or cares to heal right now.
You can move your life forward, filling your days with things that bring you joy and make you feel alive again.
If he finally sees things your way, then great. But if it takes him a long time, or if he never gets there at all, you’ll still be okay.
There is an amazing version of you waiting to emerge from all of this.
There are things you are supposed to learn that you wouldn’t learn any other way.
Trials you’ll have to go through that show you just how strong you are.
And pain that has a purpose greater than you and what you can see right now.
As a woman, you were created to operate on faith. You hold the power to believe in something before you have any evidence of it coming to pass.
So right now, believe in yourself.
In your own ability to love yourself deeply.
In your ability to endure this season with a calmness and peace.
Your ability to find happiness in the midst of the chaos.
I’ve created an audio that includes 13 Beliefs to Hold on To When Marriage Gets Tough. These points will provide you with the encouragement, hope and faith to over-ride his no so you can help yourself feel better right now.
It’s yours completely free and I KNOW it will help you through this moment in time.
CLICK HERE to get your 13 Beliefs Audio!
And if you need a mentor to walk this journey with you right now and are committed to your own happiness more than you are to changing your husband, then we should definitely talk this coming week.
I’ve got just a few spots for a 45-minute complimentary consultation where we can talk about the pathway to you finally feeling happy, more hopeful and better about yourself and the state of your marriage right now.
This powerful conversation between us will leave you with a new perspective on everything that’s happening, and with concrete steps and a way out of your pain right now.
CLICK HERE TO APPLY FOR YOUR CONSULTATION
To saying yes to YOU,
Dr. Chavonne
