So often we rely on our husbands to give us validation and value. But those things can only be received when you’ve first cultivated them within yourself.
I’m here to help guide the way.
Here are three things you must fully understand and keep in mind in order to effectively begin to do your inner work and ultimately improve your marriage from the inside out.
#1. Who you are being now.
One of my favorite things to ask potential clients is if they have ever considered what it’s like to be on the other side of them. By this I mean, have you ever considered what it’s like to be married to you? Have you ever thought about what it’s like to receive your criticism, complaints, demands, and judgments? Have you ever considered what it’s like to receive some of the words you say, and in the tone with which you deliver them?
Think about that for a moment.
I know you feel justified in how you are being most of the time, but how would you respond to you? Is that someone you would be running to be around? Probably not.
#2. What you think about most of the time.
When it comes to your husband, what are the thoughts you think about him? Each of us have a set of thoughts that are on constant repeat. Usually, these are not the most positive things.
What have you been telling yourself over and over and over again about how your husband does things, where his priorities are, and how he makes you feel?
What you think about determines how you see everything happening around you. It’s a filter that constantly colors your perception. When you are thinking positively about your husband, you are less offended, give him the benefit of the doubt, and let things go much easier. But if you feel neglected, like he’s not putting forth an effort, or that your needs are just not important to him, then you will see everything he does and says in that same light.
#3. The emotions you carry with you each day.
What are the emotions your heart carries each day? If you had to come up with the 3 most common emotions you feel when it comes to your marriage, what are they?
Your emotions are the guide for how you show up in the world. When you are happy and content, you show up that way. Being a happy and content person just brings more of that right to you because your mind is in a state to receive positivity. Likewise, when you are unhappy, lonely, or upset, you give off that kind of energy. Whether you ever say anything or not, the people around you (especially your husband) can sense the negativity brewing within, and it causes him to withdraw, thus creating a cycle of more unhappiness, loneliness and upset.
As you read, some of the above may have been familiar to you.
It may make perfect sense.
But having an understanding of, and being able to apply information to your life in effective ways are two very different things.
And for some people, there is such a blind spot, it’s hard to even come up with some real answers.
It requires honest self-reflection, which is not always easy to do.
So if you could use an objective person to take a look at what’s going on and to offer you some insight and wisdom for your next steps, I’m here for you.
The work on yourself does not have to be so confusing and hard.
But it does have to happen.
It’s time to do the work, .
To stop hiding behind your “I’m too busy” or “I don’t have the energy” or “I’ll do it later”.
As the holidays approach, you want to know that you are entering this season and 2019 having started the process of really getting yourself together.
And I may be just the person to help you do that for real this time…
To the most important work you’ll ever do…
Dr. Chavonne
