In the busyness of life, it’s easy to put to the side those other non-urgent (but really important) things than need your attention.
Like your emotional health.
Those lingering issues in your marriage.
Getting help and support for all that you are going through.
Maybe you think you’ll make the time later.
Or maybe you feel like you don’t even know where to start.
Maybe you’re thinking you don’t have the emotional energy to work through all that bombards your mind.
There’s too much pain.
Too much history.
Too many wounds that were never healed.
You give yourself an out, and it seems to be okay.
Then, pouf, before you know it you are knocked off course again.
A small incident.
A brief conversation.
A passing comment.
They send you spinning into negative emotions, like anger, frustration, sadness, and disappointment.
And all those things you kept putting off come crashing down and spilling out in your interactions with your husband.
Those things that were never resolved.
The situations where you never received closure.
Those issues where you still have unanswered questions.
There they are again, demanding your attention in the most obvious way.
You’re irritated and annoyed at everything.
You’re extremely emotional.
You’re distant and withdrawn.
These are signals that you need to pay attention to.
When they come (and they always do) I want to empower you with a few tools that can make the recovery process a little more smooth.
If you have a few minutes, spend the time now to think about these things and how you can apply them to your own life right away.
1. Understand what is bothering you the most.
This is really important. When things are not going well in a marriage, you have an overwhelming list of complaints, disappointments and unmet expectations. But when you can pinpoint the one thing that if resolved, would make everything else so much easier, then you know where to focus your attention. Often this is the “lever” that once addressed, gives you the momentum and positive progress to quickly move through the other issues keeping you stuck.
2. Identify what you need for yourself during this time.
When our emotions are on 100, we loose our footing and become scattered all over the place. It’s important that you understand what it is you need personally in order to get re-centered. Is it a few minutes alone each day? More quite time with God? Less on your plate to manage? More time out of the house doing things you enjoy? How can you begin to take care of yourself in ways that are productive and move you forward?
3. Brainstorm your solutions.
The biggest mistake people make is staying stuck in the problem. They replay over and over what’s going wrong and what’s not working. Coming up with solutions that put you in a place of power is incredibly important. Think of the things you can do, the things you have control over, the things that don’t require your husband to do anything differently than he has been doing. This shift in focus relieves some of the stress and tension you feel and opens the door for progress in the right direction.
Here’s the thing.
You can’t heal what you never reveal.
Sweeping things under the rug only leaves a bigger mess to clean up later.
Stuffing your emotions down, only creates more pressure for a blow up at any moment.
Ignoring what you feel deep down only leaves you feeling empty and depleted.
Everything catches up with you in the end.
Now is the time to pick it up, and turn it into something different.
Looking at your life and marriage in this way does not have to be a painful, scary, or difficult process.
You can take baby steps, moving slowly to understand yourself better so you can be and feel better.
I used to be afraid of the inner work I needed to do.
Now I embrace it and set aside time daily (yes daily) to connect with my emotions and direct them in ways that serve me and my life. I seek God in this process, and He’s been a faithful guide.
I want to help you do the same.
If you find there’s lots in your life and marriage you need to unpack, let me unpack it with you. We can clean it up, and make it brand new.
Stay connected with my by joining my email community. You’ll receive encouragement, effective guidance, and resources to help you through whatever you may face in your marriage right now.
To lighter loads ahead…
Dr. Chavonne
