Every once in a while, life will hand you situations that reveal how you need to become your best self.
I had one of these moments last week.
My younger sister had finally divulged the news that she was “seeing” someone. This information, a total shock and surprise to me (and everyone else in our family) sent me into a tailspin of questions, concerns, and cautions.
And like any big sister, I wanted all the details.
I promptly called her on FaceTime to give her what I called the Perotte Interrogation. I had a mental list of questions and information to gather, just so I could have the peace of mind that this young man, who looked quite nice and respectable from his Instagram profile, measured up to the standards I’d want for someone as precious to me as my baby sister.
She answered my call, as usual, with her trendy decorated room as the backdrop. She’s lives in LA, so she’s glowing the daytime sun of a warm February day in sunny California, while I’m over here on the East Coast, looking outside at a snow-covered dark backyard.
I quickly announce to her that the Perotte Interrogation would commence immediately. She chuckles, humoring me for the moment.
I begin with a series of questions asking about how they met, how long have they been talking, how often do they see each other etc, and then drifted into an inquiry about his family life.
As she shared the details, one point in particular raised a yellow flag for me. Not being one to shy away from offering unsolicited, cautionary advice to her, I proceeded to judge that part of this young man’s life, punctuated by one simple comment.
It was made in jest, a joke to be shared among sisters.
But still, not my best moment, it was anything BUT a become your best self situation. Not a good look for me, especially as someone who tries hard not to judge others.
She brushes it off and we continue talking. She answers question after question and soon I notice she’s in a different room and has put her headphones on.
Suddenly, as if a light bulb went off, it occurs to me to ask, “is he there??”
To my utter dismay, and total distress, she slowly shakes her head to indicate that “yes, he was”. In that moment, as I realize he must have heard the earlier part of our conversation, I found myself paralyzed with shock and concern.
I sat there, mouth wide open for what seemed like eternity, but was more like 30 seconds.
And in those 30 seconds, a barrage of new questions raced through my mind.
How could she not have told me that in the first place????
What must he think?
But more importantly, how could I not have been more careful with the words that came out of my mouth?
How could I have not been more careful to avoid judging someone that in all honesty, I knew nothing about?
How could I have been so self-righteous as to offer my perception of a situation and declare that it didn’t meet the standard that she should have herself without even knowing the full context???
Shame.
On.
Me.
This situation had my stomach in knots, and I could just not get over it.
I agonized over it for not only the rest of the night, but for several days after.
Even now, I’m still ashamed of myself in that moment.
Maybe you’ve had a time or two like that yourself. When you say something rude to your husband that’s so out of character (or at least out of the type of character you’d like to embody), that you feel so bad about it once your emotions settle down.
Or maybe, in a moment of impatience, you behave toward your children in a way you are ashamed to admit later.
Or perhaps you’ve found yourself overly critical of someone who you’ve convinced yourself deserves your judgment, but who really doesn’t.
It happens to all of us in some way or another. We want to become our best self, but certain situations bring out the worst in us. And long after the incident is over, we still find ourselves replaying the situation over and over, as shame builds up inside our hearts.
I think these moments linger with us for a while because they come to highlight 3 very important points:
1. We’re out of alignment with who we want to be.
Deep within us, the spirit of God resides, calling us to a higher standard for ourselves. We know we should be patient, loving and kind. We know that we should treat others how we want to be treated. We know that we should forgive, let things go, and offer compassion whether it’s deserved or not. We know we should not judge, and think of ourselves as better than anyone else. Yet we do it all the time. When we do, our innermost being is grieved. And later, when we come to our senses, we feel awful because we didn’t show up as our best selves. We missed the mark that we set for ourselves and really wanted to achieve.
2. Our personal failings impact others and create distance.
Whenever we don’t operate out of our better self, the people in our lives suffer, and as a result, our negative energy pushes them away. They no longer feel comfortable, safe or accepted in our presence. They feel like they have to walk on eggshells or fear saying the wrong thing to set us off. They feel more at peace out of our presence rather than in our presence. We give them a version of ourselves that is hard to love.
3. We yearn for a solution to rid ourselves of this character flaw.
How many times have you wondered, what is it I need to do in order to become more ___________? (fill in the blank with any way you are trying to improve yourself.) The Apostle Paul from the Bible talks about the “thorn in his flesh”, that area of his life, he just couldn’t get right, no matter how hard he tried. At our core, we want to be better, and when the things we’ve tried don’t work, or we slip back into old ways of being, it creates a sense of frustration that we may never be able to get it right.
I don’t think any of this is by accident.
Rather, we should take them as signals and signs that a better version of ourselves is wanting to emerge. That we desire to grow, and learn new ways of living, thinking, and being that help us become better wives, mothers, and overall human beings.
And that’s a beautiful, messy, glorious, and life-long process.
So why not enjoy the journey and decide to become your best self.
I know I am.
In fact, this year, I’ve committed myself to a total transformation in specific areas of my life.
And I’d like to invite you along with me for your own journey of self-improvement.
I’m launching a new event series called “The Well-Made Woman.” This is an exclusive workshop for women who are committed to being better wives, mothers and overall human beings. You’ll meet and work with other like-minded women and receive in-depth strategies for how to become your best self. My first sponsor for this workshop is Bloomingdale’s, and I’m super excited to host this event at their location in New Jersey at the Short Hills Mall on April 14th.
I know this event will be EPIC for so many reasons.
But beyond that, I know that for the group of women who will register to attend, the most EPIC thing of all is how their lives will be forever changed just by being there and applying everything that I’m going to share.
How to purchase your ticket and additional details will be coming to you soon. So give me VIP status in your inbox right now and stay close for your chance to get in and to take the most important steps to become your best self.
If you live in or near NJ, or want to be the first to get information about The Well-Made Woman Workshop, get all the details below! Make this year the one you become your best self!
CLICK HERE for more information and to get your ticket!
