Valentine’s Day is one of those occasions that can either bring out the best in your marriage, or shine a spotlight on all that’s going wrong.
It’s a day that you can wake up to excited for the romantic gestures of your husband, or disappointed that the signs of any romance between you two are long gone.
And by now, I’m sure you’ve heard the saying “Every day should be Valentine’s Day”.
Yeah. Okay.
But it’s not.
Here are 3 reasons why every day is certainly NOT Valentine’s Day:
1. We’ve been conditioned to save our expressions of love for special days like this.
It’s almost like we’ve been brainwashed to reserve our affections for certain moments and certain circumstances. I want you to think about how many times you’ve withheld expressing your love and affection to your husband because it wasn’t any special occasion, or you didn’t want him to get “used to it” or you were not sure he’d respond the way you wanted.
Or maybe you assume he knows, so there is no need to keep saying it over and over again. BUT for Valentine’s Day, you must make up for lost time and ensure he knows just how much you do in fact love him. If there’s no other good time for you to say “I love you” for sure, it’s on Valentine’s Day.
2. Valentine’s Day comes with a detailed plan of what you should do.
I’m sure you can name the typical Valentine’s Day activities. It usually involves dinner, candy, flowers, and cards.
Go to any store and you’ll find racks of all the things you should be giving your loved one on this special day. It’s all laid out for you and you don’t have to think hard about what it is you are supposed to do. There’s just a certain set of things that come along with the agenda for February 14th. And even if you didn’t have much time to prepare, there are always those last minute opportunities to pull something together in a way that your spouse may be none the wiser.
3. The pressure to do something provides an unnatural motivation.
I’ve heard my husband say so many times “I don’t like to be pressured to do certain things just because it’s Valentine’s Day.” And truth be told, he’s good for the “just because” kind of gifts. What I find is that many times, couples celebrate Valentine’s Day out of an obligation.
There’s a lot of pressure to “perform” and to come through for each other. And what results, most times, are little efforts that don’t end up meaning that much, because your heart wasn’t in it in the first place. This unnatural motivation will never be sustainable, and come February 15, you are both back to your old ways.
Kind of a bummer, right?
We’ll not really. At least in my opinion.
Valentine’s Day comes with this expectation of some sort of production and doesn’t account for the day to day, monotonous, and sometimes hard work of being married and staying that way.
It doesn’t account for the times you argue, the times where you’re not even sure if you like each other, let alone want to express your undying love and affection.
It comes with no plan for what to do, the day after, when all the cards, candy and flowers have been traded out for St. Patrick’s Day lucky charms.
But what if, in the ways that Valentine’s Day sets us up for unrealistic expectations for what real married life is like, we had a way of creating our own passionate love and intimate connection in little small ways on a daily basis?
What if we could crack the code for how to stop letting the responsibilities of being a parent overshadow our responsibilities to each other as a couple?
What if we actually did have a blueprint and marriage GPS system that presented us with the right conversations to have, the right actions to take, and the right habits to develop so that we could feel the love all year round?
I think that would be the real heart’s desire of almost every wife in America.
You don’t really want the production and posturing of Valentine’s Day.
You want the feeling of being cherished and appreciated, of being loved and adored, of being showered with attention and affection from the person you love most in this world.
And that won’t ever be found within the 24 hour time span of this lovely holiday.
That kind of love takes intention.
It takes deliberate action.
It takes consistency.
It takes commitment.
And it takes a firm belief that your marriage, in and of itself, can be the most romantic and heartfelt gift you get to open every. single. day.
Now THAT’S something worth celebrating.
I encourage you to keep up the hype in your marriage on a regular basis. In fact, I have a few ideas for you that I know will help you keep the spark alive all year long.
If you’re looking for creative ideas that don’t require a big production, but do offer some big gains in terms of your connection with your husband, download my FREE Guide: 12 Quick Ways to Reignite Your Marriage.
Love, Always.
Dr. Chavonne
P.S. And just in case this day DOES bring a lot of disappointment for you, take a listen to this podcast episode: Down in the Dumps? Get out of It By Asking These Questions.
