What seems dead can be brought back to life.
This weekend marks Easter Sunday, a time where Christians celebrate the crucifixion and more importantly, resurrection of Jesus Christ. It is the hallmark of our faith.
Believing that something thought completely dead can rise up and be more powerful than ever before.
Seeing something lifeless before your eyes, only to later witness it alive and stronger than imagined.
One day, thinking it is all over, and three days later knowing it was just beginning.
It’s nothing short of miraculous.
Just the thought should give us hope for the infinite possibilities in our own lives.
But let me ask you something. Can you believe the miraculous for your own marriage?
It’s very easy to collect evidence that your marriage is beyond repair.
That the distance between you and your husband can never be overcome.
That your communication issues will never be resolved.
That you can never trust him again.
That there are too many hurt feelings, too much resentment, and no motivation to work things out.
Simply put, your marriage is dead. At least in your eyes.
I want you to consider the fact that you are reading this. You made the active decision to click on this post in the sea of other things trying to grab your attention.
You did that for a reason. There is something deep down inside of you that believes or wants to believe your marriage can be brought back to life.
Your heart’s desire is to have the happy and loving marriage you dreamed was coming true on your wedding day.
You want to feel loved and adored, and you want to be the kind of wife that is happy, full of joy, and really enjoys the time spent with her husband.
You want to feel connected, like you are a team working together to build an incredible life together. But right now, something, or A LOT of things are getting in the way.
I want to offer you 3 specific things that will make a world of difference if you fully commit to doing them. It’s no good to just read this, think what I’m saying makes sense, but then go on doing the same things you’ve always done. If you want a different result, you HAVE to take some different actions. So let’s get started.
#1. Focus on the Good.
You have to change the story in your head about your marriage. Right now it is filled with all the things that are going wrong. It’s almost like each day you wake up, looking for all the ways your husband will make you mad, or disappoint you, or hurt your feelings. You’ve collected incident after incident, argument after argument, problem after problem, and carry them around with you every second of every day. The truth is, what you focus on becomes your reality. If you can only think of the negatives, then that’s what you will live.
Honestly answer this question: When was the last time you thought something positive or hopeful about your marriage or husband?
Well today, right now, let’s make some deposits into your marriage resurrection account because right now, it’s waaaayyy overdrawn.
Think of something right now! Ask yourself any of the following questions:
What’s good about having my husband in my life?
In what ways is my husband the right person for me?
What’s something positive I’ve learned from my husband?
And after today, each time a negative thought or complaint comes up for you, immediately draw on something positive. Even the smallest thing counts. If you commit to doing this regularly, it will become easier and you will begin to re-write what’s happening in your marriage. But it will take some practice.
I’ve created a resource that I know will be helpful in doing that. It’s 21 Days of Empowering Questions that will literally change your life and how you see things in your marriage. And it’s my free gift to you. Each day for 21 days you’ll receive 1 simple question to help move you forward in re-creating the story of your marriage to be. Click below to get starting thinking more positively TODAY!
#2. Be honest about what you really want.
Right now your pride and ego are getting in the way. They are protecting you, telling you that you shouldn’t try, it’s better to just give up, and there’s nothing you can do to make a difference. They get stronger when you feel angry, frustrated, resentful, bitter, and just plain mad. They tell you that you are right and he is wrong. Pride and ego are really powerful.
But underneath that hardness is your heart and your spirit that just wants to feel loved, to be understood and respected, to feel like you are important. That’s the true essence of who you are. The other stuff is all made up because that’s how we are taught we should act when someone disappoints us or hurts us in some way. We eventually turn away instead of continuing to turning toward them to heal the relationship.
Being honest about what you really want means tuning into your spirit and listening to your heart. It’s asking yourself, what did you see as your future when you first got married? And it’s not letting go of that dream, that vision, because deep down you still believe anything is possible.
And believing that is NOT a sign of weakness. It’s the sign of ultimate strength and faith in the miraculous.
So, what do you really, really want?
Whatever it is, giving up is the only way you won’t get it.
#3. Get Help Now.
So you may be thinking that your situation is beyond help right now. Or that you don’t have the energy or time to do anything about it. You may be thinking, well, it takes two to make this work, and my husband would never go to a counselor, a coach or marriage therapist. And if that’s the only think you allow yourself to believe, you’d be right.
But if you are open to really giving your marriage some CPR, you have to get some new skills and tools, because what you’ve been doing so far has not been working. Maybe you’ve bought some books, attended some seminars, or constantly pray about it. And those are great starts, but what actions have you taken? Did you finish that book? Did you use the strategies you learned in the seminar? Have you changed your behavior to truly align with God’s word? If you can honestly answer yes, then I’m cheering for you.
But if any part of your answer is no, if you feel like you’ve gotten the information, but still don’t know how to make it real in your own marriage, it’s time to take things to the next level. You may think you can just handle it yourself, that somehow, someday you’ll figure out exactly what to do. Keep waiting. But we all know the sooner you get some help, the sooner things will get better.
Again, get help! And if your husband is unwilling, you can still get help for yourself that will make a difference. Sometimes it really only takes one person to make a change. What’s happening in your marriage is based on the way he is acting, the way you are acting, the way he’s reacting and the way you are reacting. If you change even one part of that equation, you will get a different outcome. And the only part you have the power to change is YOU – your actions and your reactions.
So if you want some help and are not sure where to turn, you are already here. Something I’ve offered has stuck a chord with you. There’s some part of you that’s motivated to do something. And I’d love to help see you through. CLICK HERE TO EMAIL ME NOW to set up your FREE 30 Minute Marriage MakeOver Session.
And if by chance you are just not ready to take that step, then please join me in my private Facebook Group. There we can stay connected and you’ll receive a daily dose of inspiration and motivation to make your marriage the best it can be. It’s called Happily Married Woman, and even though you may not be happy now, I’m sure you hope to one day reclaim your happy status. I promise you will absolutely LOVE being a part of this group. It’s literally THE BEST marriage group on Facebook. All positive, practical and good advice that you can use right away. Check us out! I along with over 700 other women are waiting to welcome you! Find us here:
https://www.facebook.com/groups/happilymarriedwoman/
2 replies on “How to Resurrect Your Marriage: 3 Things to Do Today”
Need prayers fir my marriage rught niw its not looking hopeful. Weve been through so much together.
Hey Latasha,
I’m so glad you found my blog post on resurrecting your marriage. I’m also really sorry to hear that your marriage is in a bad place. In your comment, you asked for prayers and I thought I would write one out for you. I don’t know what you are going through, but I hope this helps.
Dear Lord, in the name of Jesus, I lift up this marriage to you. Only you know what they are going through, and only you have the power to turn things around. Lord, we pray that you would open the hearts of this man and this woman to hear from you. I pray that you would send your Holy Spirit to speak to them and help them see each other the way you see them. I pray that you would heal and past hurts and remove any resentment that is standing in the way of true forgiveness. I pray that you would help them to communicate with each other in ways where both feel heard, understood and respected. I pray that you would send the right tools and resources to help them mend this relationship. I pray that you would give them the motivation to keep working at their marriage, where each can look within themselves to see what they can do to be better. I pray you would give them patience and understanding and an unshakeable faith that things can turn themselves around. It is in your holy name I pray, Amen.
I hope this helps. If you’d like to talk directly, please let me know. I offer a free 30 minute Marriage MakeOver where we can work through what’s happening and I can give you some advice and resources for moving forward.
Blessings to you during this time!
~Chavonne