Whether you attended our recent UpDate Couple’s Event, or not, you’ve probably had a high point in your relationship in the not too distant past. A point where you really enjoyed each other’s company. Where you felt really connected. Where you were able to communicate effectively. A time when you were just really happy.
Now, we’re not going to pretend like every day is like that, but wouldn’t it be great to make those really great moments last for as long as they can? We think so. Here are 5 tips to help you keep riding the wave of a good time in your relationship:
1. Appreciate what’s right.
UpDate is all about celebrating what’s great in your relationship. It’s a night to let go of any issues and to focus on the positives, what you love most about each other, what you appreciate about each other, the ways you are growing stronger and better together. Focusing in on what’s good is a critical step in maintaining a great relationship. When things go wrong, it’s easy to spiral out of control with an endless list of issues, past and present. If you can get to a place of reminding yourself of the really amazing things about your relationship, it will help keep you in the right frame of mind.
2. Keep the lines of communication open.
When life gets busy, it’s so easy for your other responsibilities to take priority over your relationship. And you probably think you’ll reconnect when “things settle down.” Well, usually, things don’t ever really settle down, there is always something that needs your immediate attention. Keeping the lines of communication open doesn’t have to be a major production. It can be as simple as having a question of the day that you spend 5 minutes thinking and talking about. Here are some examples:
How are we doing?
What can I do to help you out this week?
What’s something you want me to pay more attention to?
What’s something you are grateful for today?
And if you have ever attended an UpDate event, you’ve seen firsthand how helpful these simple questions can be to nurturing your relationship.
3. Start a new ritual.
Let’s be honest, sometimes you need to add something a little new to the mix. There are so many quick and easy practices that can give your relationship new and exciting energy. Maybe it’s sending each other a daily love text, hiding thank you notes around the house, watching a tv show together, creating a monthly relationship motto, a new way of greeting each other in the morning, the options are endless. But taking a moment to create a new and FUN habit that you both will enjoy and look forward to, will certainly keep those good feelings going strong.
4. Set a relationship goal.
As successful adults, we have set and achieved many goals. There may be specific goals you are working toward right now, professional goals, financial goals, weight loss goals and others. What are your relationship goals? Whether you have written them down or not, had a conversation or not, there are things floating around in your mind that you’d like to achieve for your relationship. Maybe it’s spending more time alone together, maybe it’s having more sex or greater intimacy, perhaps it’s spending less time on social media and more time talking to each other. Whatever it is, maybe now is a good time to have a conversation about what you want to work to accomplish together as a couple. And make sure you build in some way to celebrate small and big milestone in getting to that goal.
5. Move towards each other.
The activities at this past UpDate were influenced by the 7 Principals for Making Marriage Work by Dr. John Gottman. One of those principals is moving towards each other, or intentionally connecting with your partner. Sometimes we get so stuck in our own head, we don’t always remember that we are together because we want to be. At the end of the day, you are two people who love each other deeply, even though you don’t always see eye to eye, and despite the ways you don’t always meet each other’s expectations and needs. It only takes a second to distance yourselves from each other, and that initial space can grow exponentially with each passing day. Just one tiny gesture of turning towards each other, instead of away from each other can make a HUGE difference. Ask about each other’s day and really listen, sit closer to each other on the couch, turn off the computer or TV, eat dinner together, kiss each other goodbye. One simple step forward can lead to even better and easier steps down the road.
I’d love to hear your thoughts and suggestions! What things have you done or heard about that help keep a relationship going in the right direction? Leave a comment and let me know!