Have you ever had the best intentions to get to something only to have it remain on your to-do list month after month?
You know it needs your attention, but you just can’t get yourself together to make it happen.
That thing, whatever it is, sort of looms there in the back of your mind, nagging you over and over again. It’s a persistent reminder that somehow has not yet made it’s way to becoming your top priority.
I wonder if one of those nagging things might be your marriage.
If you feel like things are just not as happy as you would like them to be, if you’re wanting a better relationship with your husband, then NOW is the time to get a handle on what’s going on.
Here are 3 reasons why:
#1. The longer you wait, the harder it will be to fix.
You already know this. Take any example from your own life of something that got worse over time. The 5 pounds that turned into 10 pounds, that turned in 20 pounds you want to lose. The mounting credit card bill to your favorite store which is now completely out of control. Your health. Your car repairs. All those things only get worse, more expensive, and require more of your time and effort as the days, weeks and months go by.
Your marriage is no different. Things are not going to get better until you take some action. Praying about it is great, and yes prayer works. But you also know that faith without works is dead. What are you doing while waiting on God to turn your situation around? In order to take the action that’s required, you’ve got to believe it’s worth doing something about it NOW. I want you to ask yourself, “What would life be like today if we had really resolved our marriage issues months ago? Or years ago?” Now consider where you actually are today – what has doing nothing or doing the things that don’t work cost you?
It’s time to let go of all the excuses and get to work. There are things within your control. There is something you can do, whether or not your husband is open to counseling or not. I work with many women whose husbands don’t want to speak to a counselor and we are still able to achieve significant results. Why can’t you be part of that group as well?
#2. There will never be the right time.
We often tell ourselves, “I’ll get to that later.” But later comes and later goes, and we’ve done nothing. There will never be the right time. You will never have enough time. There will always be something else that comes up to distract you from the things you really need to do. You’ll always find an excuse (disguised as a “reason”) for why you can’t do something. You’re money’s not “right.” Work is too crazy. School is too hectic. The kids need too much of your attention. The pressures and demands of live are constant. There are never enough hours in the day. You have to MAKE the time to do the things that are important to you.
Just think back to something you’ve been waiting to do until the “right” time. And ask yourself, did the right time ever really come? Or is the right time something you actually create in your mind. You’re the only judge of when it’s time for you to do something. My goal in sharing this point is to help you see the only right time is the time you have right. now.
3. Your husband may already have one foot out the door.
I cannot tell you how many women who say the same thing, “he just left.” And it’s a total shock to them. While we are careful to express our needs, our disappointments and complain about the things going wrong in a marriage, men are not so quick to do so. More often than not, he will keep his thoughts to himself, keep his feelings bottled up until he reaches a breaking point. And by that time his mind is made up and there’s little you can do to change it. More times than you would believe wives just like you are stunned to come home and find that he’s gone. OUT OF THE BLUE. They are left in shock and totally confused.
Now as you are reading this you may be thinking, “Oh I would be able to tell earlier,” or “that couldn’t really happen to me.” And I’ll tell you, they thought the SAME thing. There is a real chance that while you think things are bad in your marriage, your husband thinks things are even worse, and he’ll never tell you with his words. He’ll show you with his actions. And because as a woman you are in-tune with what he says you’ll miss all the signs from his behavior that he is checking out. Here are some tell-tale signs:
he finds fault with everything you do
he’s hesitant to make long-term plans
he’s cheated, and blames you for his indiscretion
he’s completely indifferent to your emotions
he refuses to discuss the problems happening in your marriage
you’re essentially living separate lives
he has no interest in having sex with you
he’s threatened to leave you
Now, of course, I cannot look into a crystal ball and say he’s going to leave you next week, but these are serious signs you need to spring into action NOW.
And hopefully you should know by now, my intention is never to scare you, but I do want to motivate you. Your marriage is too precious to just let fall apart. Too many people are depending on YOU to work it out.
And you can.
If you’ve never reached out for help. Reach out. NOW.
If you’ve gone to counseling before and it hasn’t worked out, find another counselor, therapist or coach. NOW.
If he’s not willing to get the help you need, get help for yourself. NOW.
And if you’ve ever wondered if I can help you, let’s find out. NOW. I offer one-on-one sessions (via phone or video) for married women and couples and would be more than happy to talk with you and see if my approach is what you need to finally turn your marriage around for good. JUST CLICK HERE TO READ ABOUT MY SERVICES AND TO SCHEDULE A TIME TO TALK.
2017 will be here in just a couple of days. This time next year, what will you be able to say about the state of your marriage? I hope it’s something good.
To a better marriage ahead,
Dr. Chavonne Perotte
Relationship Expert, Marriage Coach & Founder of RelateAble