Married and Heartbroken on Valentine's Day: How to Deal - RelateAble

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Married and Heartbroken on Valentine’s Day: How to Deal

12 Feb 16
Chavonne Perotte


Not everyone gets excited about Valentine’s Day.

For some of us, the day brings sadness instead of roses.

Instead of a romantic dinner, it brings a longing for how things used to be.

We’ll get no card expressing our Valentine’s undying love for us.

We won’t be feeding each other chocolate covered strawberries.

Instead, we’ll go on living parallel lives. Kinda like roommates who really don’t like each other very much right now.

It’s a pretty depressing place to be.

While your friends are posting pictures on Facebook, you find yourself wondering where it all went wrong in your own marriage.

There was a time when you were really happy. But not anymore.

There is so much distance between you now.

You’ve been disappointed more times than you can count.

Your resentment has built up so much and you are so tired of always being the one to put forth the effort.

When is he going to do something?

What’s he doing to try to make things better?

You’re stuck in this place of watching it all go downhill and not really knowing what to do.

I understand.

One of the things I think many of us miss about Valentine’s Day is that it’s not just about showing love to our “Valentine.” It’s actually an incredible opportunity to show ourselves that self-love that we often forget the other 364 days of the year.

So, today, if you’re in a place of not really feeling your husband, you can shower love to the most deserving and appreciative person in your life – yourself.

Here are 3 ways to celebrate YOU this Valentine’s Day.


1. Treat Yourself

There are thing you’ve been putting off because you don’t have the time, or someone else’s needs always come before yours. Well, now is the time to treat yourself to that mani/pedi, that day at the spa, that trip to your favorite store, that new lipstick, whatever it is that you know will give you a little pick me up. As mothers, wives, employees, family members and friends, our plate is so full of catering to other people when they need us. But so many times the person who needs us the most is ourselves. Give yourself a special little somethin’ to make your own day.


2. Affirm Yourself

One of the hardest parts of being in a rough patch in your marriage is you don’t feel validated. In the midst of all the arguments, you are made out to be the bad guy, everything is your fault, and your husband just can’t see things your way. It’s so frustrating and can easily make you feel bad about yourself. In these moments, it’s so important that you affirm and speak positivity over yourself. If the compliments and words of appreciation are not flowing from his mouth, let them flow from yours. Here are a few affirmations I want to share with you.

I am an amazing woman, beautiful on the inside and out.

I am worthy of all the love my heart can hold because I am a loving person.

I value myself and am an expression of so many great things.

I am appreciated and cherished.

I can light up a room with my presence and others admire me and what I stand for.

I am happy and grateful for all of the blessings in my life.

I love you, _________________ (insert your name)

Use these, change them up, or make your own. But speak life and love over yourself as often as you can.


3. Take Time for Yourself

When was the last time you actually had a few moments to yourself. Where you could really rest your mind, where no one was calling you, asking you for anything. When you had a truly quiet moment to be alone with your thoughts instead of worrying about your to-do list.

It’s rare, I know.

This weekend, I want to encourage you to steal some time for yourself. The dishes can wait, the kids can get a ride with someone else, the laundry will still be waiting in an hour or so.

Take some time to just reflect on who you are right now, and who you want to be in your life and marriage. Write that down. Do you want to be a person who is happy and kind? Who is not angry and hurt all the time, but someone who is content and at peace?

Take a moment to talk to God about how you want Him to work on you and through you in your daily life.

Set some goals for yourself, commit to showing more kindness, compassion and forgiveness to yourself.

Listen to some music that really moves you and takes you to a place of hope and inspiration.

I know some of these things seem easier said than done. And if you get nothing else from reading this, please remember this key message:

The best way to get the love and happiness you want in your life is to be those things for yourself first.

Be love.

Be happy.

The choice is always yours to make.

Hey, if you want some help getting your marriage to a better place, I’ve got a great resource for you. It’s called 10 Keys to Having the Relationship You Want. In it, I share some of the most important things you can start doing right away to get to have a better relationship. It’s absolutely FREE! Just click the image below to get instant access.


  1. Mrs. H February 13, 2016 at 10:00 pm Reply

    Thank you so much I needed to read this!!

    • Chavonne Perotte February 17, 2016 at 1:45 am Reply

      You are SOOO welcome! Wishing you all the love your heart can hold!

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