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3 Crucial Steps to Feel Complete and Whole | RelateAble
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Categories
Becoming a Better Version of You

3 Crucial Steps to Feel Complete and Whole

happy and content African American woman

I think as women, we all want to feel complete and whole.

Do you remember that famous quote from Jerry McGuire?

You know the one, where Tom Cruise is looking intently at Renee Zellwegger, tears welling up in his eyes, and with passion and tenderness says “You complete me.”

I think that scene did something to all of us.

It touched us at one of the deepest places in our hearts and colored our view of love and relationship.

It made us think that another human being could say something, or look at us in a certain way, and fulfill the longing of our soul.


To be complete and whole. 

I’ll admit, I bought the lie.

And as I think about the relationship with my husband, I’ve noticed the ways I do look for him to complete me. 

I’ve witness the ways I look for him to comfort the spaces in my heart that have been wounded, to offer validation and reassurance when I’m feeling insecure, and to say just the right thing to calm my doubts, worries and fears.

When things are going well, that all seems to come easily.

And then there are the other times.

Where he is not a source of peace, comfort and compassion. Where I feel misunderstood, unappreciated and even judged. 

He has his way of thinking and doing things.
And I have mine.
And sometimes, they just don’t mesh well.

In those moments, I’m reminded that the purpose of a husband in your life is not to complete it, but to compliment it. 

But in order for that to take place, you must be whole and complete within yourself.

 

confident woman ready to take on the world

Can you say that you are?

Can you say you feel as confident and self-assured as you’d like to be?

Can you say you no longer struggle with comparing yourself to others, judging people so you feel better about yourself, or putting on the “Facebook show” to make it seem like your life is so much better than it actually is?

Can you say that you’ve completely worked through the negative thinking that clouds your mind leaving you feeling like certain parts of your life are a complete disappointment?

Can you say you’ve worked through your impatience and the tendency to get irritated by even the most minor of inconveniences?

Can you say that you’ve found the solution to ending the overwhelm in your life that prevents you from being present and engaged in the things that truly matter to you?

Can you say you’ve mastered the art of controlling your emotions and staying calm in situations that push all the wrong buttons?

I know I’m a work in progress in each of these areas. While I wish I could tell you I’ve mastered them myself, I haven’t.

But what I have done is learned some new tools and strategies that are putting me on a better path. Where I know what to do when the self-doubt, negative chatter, and criticism want to creep in.

I’ve learned how to validate myself, work through disappointments, manage my emotions and create bliss in my mind when everything in me wants to have a pity-party, and go off the deep end.

And in the process, I’ve learned a lot about what it really takes to move from just thinking about and wanting more out of life to truly transforming yourself and experiencing a life of completeness and wholeness (regardless of what your husband is or is not doing).

Here are 3 quick takeaways:

 

1. Getting unstuck requires you learn new ways of doing things.

We are creatures of habit and have been conditioned to think in certain ways. This leads us to respond to situations in predictable ways. And on we go, over, and over, and over again. Getting upset at the same thing every time. Feeling disappointed from the same situation every time. Worrying and stressing about the same issues every time.

In order to stop, you have to learn a new way of managing yourself. And these new ways go against what you’ve been doing your whole life. But at some point, when you realize the old way of being doesn’t serve you well, you’ll do what needs to be done to become unstuck.

 

2. Focus and consistent effort leads to mastery.

Any change in your life starts with developing a new habit. Some small way you work toward your goal on a daily (sometimes hourly) basis. This requires effort, and intention, and laser-like focus. But it’s only for a while. After you develop a new habit and way of operating, it really can become second nature and you can get to a place of mastery.

Whether you know it or not, you’ve already been practicing and made a habit out of certain ways of thinking and being. If you want to change any part of your character, you’ve got to undo what’s been done so a new way can take shape.

 

3. Improvements in your life always start from the inside.

We focus so much on the circumstances of our life. What’s happening or not happening on the outside. If the same amount of time was spent examining our mindset, and attitudes, then we would actually CHANGE the situations we want changed.

But so often we sit in excuses and respond to what’s in front of us rather than sitting in possibility and manifesting what we want in front of us.

Why not let go of some excuse today ?

It’s important to start on the inside, and change ourselves first before anything will be different in our lives.

As you can probably tell, I love this stuff and could go on and on about what I’m learning and applying in my own life.

And I know I’m not alone in the quest for wholeness and completeness.

God wants that for all of us.

And He offers us many opportunities for us to work toward that goal.

The first is aligning ourselves spiritually with Him.

The second is developing a set of practices and ways of being that help us live in a way that honors Him and who He created us to be.

I hope you read this email and take some step today toward your own path of completeness and wholeness.

And if you can be in New Jersey on April 14, I’d love to share with you the strategies I’ve learned and know to work.

I’m hosting a brand new workshop experience called The Well-Made Woman Workshop and I know it’s going to be life-changing.

I’ve been pulling together some of the best teachings on personal development, navigating marriage, and juggling the many roles we have as women.

You’ll walk away with greater confidence in yourself and your abilities, in-depth strategies for becoming a better you, and a personal road map for how to implement the necessary changes you want in your life.

You’ll be surrounded with like-minded women who share your struggles, confusion and questions. You’ll feel supported, encouraged, and know that you’re not alone.

It’s April 14, and will be hosted at Bloomingdale’s at The Mall at Short Hills here in New Jersey. And what better place to be in as we talk about becoming well-made, not only on the outside, but the inside too?

CLICK HERE FOR DETAILS AND YOUR TICKET

(Don’t wait til the last minute! Tickets are already going, and space is limited!)

 

By Chavonne Perotte

Trained Researcher. Empathetic Listener. Passionate Speaker. Goal guider. Relationship Builder.
Dr. Chavonne Perotte is a public health researcher who, over the past 10 years, has developed a range of curricula on healthy relationships, and conducted educational trainings, interactive workshops, and large conferences. Chavonne received her doctorate in public health from the Johns Hopkins University and focused her research on sexual health. It was there that she discovered her passion for hearing people’s stories, writing about their lives and creating solutions for common relationship issues. Chavonne is a dynamic speaker who is able to use her experiences, skills and knowledge to inspire people to take action in their own lives. She is the founder and CEO of RelateABLE, a relationship development and coaching group that guides individuals in creating the relationships they want. She is also the owner of The Glamorous Life Events, a full scale event planning and management firm. An aspiring author, Chavonne is currently working on a book that supports couples in effectively navigating infertility. Chavonne grew up in Northern Virginia and now lives in New Jersey where she enjoys her roles as a wife and new mother.