Rituals create order when life is chaotic.
Rituals offer consistency when things get off track.
Rituals set expectations when our moods might be unpredictable.
Rituals are a good thing.
You may have grown up with certain rituals, that now, just represent how you do things. There are no questions, no debates, no deviations. It’s just how it is.
When it comes to our marriages, it’s so easy to do things when we feel like it, and to stop doing things because we don’t feel like it.
Our commitment to do, say, or act a certain way can easily come to depend on what our husbands are doing, saying, and how they are acting.
When things are not so good, you may skip the kiss hello or goodbye, you may not say “I love you” you, you may not wait for him for dinner.
And soon, you’ve gotten into bad habits.
Clearly this post is about rituals, but more than that, it’s about creating a legacy for your marriage. What do you want to be able to say about your relationship? What do you want your husband to say about you?
Rituals sort of represent anchors in our relationship. They keep the foundation strong even when things are blowing in all different directions.
I thought I would share 5 different types of rituals that are important for all couples to consider. If you have no rituals at all, start with just picking one area and gradually work to creating more. These need not be daily or even weekly rituals – you decide what’s realistic and most beneficial to your relationship.
No matter what your spiritual or religious background, it’s important that you and your husband have a spiritual connection. A ritual in this area might be saying grace, praying together, going to church together, reading scripture, meditating, and others.
2. Departing and Reuniting
How you leave, and more importantly, how you reunite after a long day can really do a lot for your relationship. If you have a pet or a small child, you know how excited they are when you walk into a room. Everyone loves that feeling, knowing you were missed and that they are grateful to see you. Create a special way of saying goodbye or hello to let your spouse know they are treasured and their presence and absence is felt.
Many couples find it difficult to successfully talk through some major issues. That’s partly due to the fact that important conversations don’t come up until they are in a near crisis situation. Creating a regular check-in or way of assessing how you are doing is a great way to keep the flow of communication going. It can be a monthly conversation that just asks: “how are we doing, and what do we need to pay attention to?” During the conversation identify a goal you want to work towards as a couple.
4. Celebrating Milestones
Yes, anniversaries are important milestones to celebrate, but let’s not stop there. One thing I always like to share is that my husband and I celebrate our anniversary every month. We were married on the 3rd, so every month on the 3rd we acknowledge the day. We actually use the day as a check in conversation to share what we’ve appreciated about each other over the past month. Sometimes we go out, sometimes we stay in, but it doesn’t have to be a big production. Included in milestones are also birthdays, professional or personal accomplishments, and anything else you think it worthy of acknowledgment.
5. Love and Appreciation
In the daily hustle and bustle of our lives, it’s so easy to forget to share those expressions of love and appreciation with each other. To make this ritual easy, consider buying a variety of “just because” cards, or writing your own and hide them or present them to your husband at certain intervals. Or create a playlist of love songs and select a certain night to have your own listening party. As women, sometimes we leave all the “romance” up to the men when we are the biggest romantics of all! Don’t forget to incorporate this important area into your bag of rituals.
I’d love to hear about any other types of rituals you have created in your marriage! Please share them by posting in the comments!
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