Have you ever felt like you’re pouring your heart out to your husband and he’s totally dismissing what you are saying?
Telling you, that you shouldn’t think or feel a certain way?
That the way you are reacting to something is all wrong and that there’s a “right” way to go about doing things?
It’s so frustrating.
I mean, how can someone tell you how you should feel?
They are you own feelings!
He doesn’t get to do that.
Communication is hard.
Being able to talk openly and not feel judged is sometimes hard to come by.
Being able to get your point across to where the other person actually understands you, doesn’t always happen.
Being able to listen to someone’s feedback without getting defensive is not an easy thing to do.
In a marriage, communication is often sited as one of the most important things to couples.
Yet, as important as it is, many people just cannot seem to get it right.
Either they don’t understand each other, don’t listen to each other, don’t tell the truth to each other, or have so many assumptions and judgments, the words being said can’t actually get through.
In my work with women and couples, I often observe so many communication mistakes happening right in front of me. Sometimes, the list of things that could be done differently to get a different outcome is endless.
What starts out as one person trying to make a point can quickly turn into a heated argument where old issues and hurt feelings quickly take over.
Ever been there?
Today, I wanted to start with just 4 of the most common communication mistakes I see happening all the time. These are the main reasons you may find yourself in a constant state of arguing, bickering and conflict.
1. You feel like you have to find a solution or compromise to all of your issues. As odd is it may sound, trying to find a comprise to the things you don’t agree on is not always a good idea. I know you’ve heard “agree to disagree” and that’s really true in some instances. If you give up the belief that you have to convince him of something, or that you must meet in the middle, you can actually have conversations with no agenda but to really hear and understand each other.
2. You focus more on getting your point across instead of listening to what he is saying. I know you think you are listening. You hear the words coming out of his mouth. But most times, what happens is what he says is filtered through your thoughts about how you want to respond. The most important and hidden meaning behind his words are missed because you are in the middle of formulating exactly what you want to say to prove him wrong.
3. You assume your “normal” is the only normal. When we come to any conversation, we bring with us our own set of opinions, experiences and beliefs that lead us to think a certain way. That all amounts to what you feel is normal, or just the way you should do, think and talk about things. The thing is, your husband doesn’t think the same way you do (duh, I know!). But the picture in your mind of how he should respond and what he should say is where the problem lies. His logic will never be your logic and you should not waste the time trying to make your normal his normal.
4. You expect him to be a mind-reader. I hear it all the time, “he should just know…” or “why do I have to tell him…” Well he doesn’t know and you DO have to tell him. And the minute you get over that, the minute you can start having better communication. At some point we have to get over our resistance to the way things are. Accept that you will have to explain things to him like he has no clue. You’ve already see what waiting for him to “get it” and “figure it out” has gotten you. Lots of disappointment and unmet expectations. Just. Be. Clear.
I could go on and on about this topic. And I know as you are reading, you are probably wanting more! Because, I mean who really wants to stay in a state of having poor communication. After a while it only leads to not communicating at all. You don’t want to get there.
I believe there are some simple skills and new ways of approaching things that can make a dramatic difference in how you talk and interact with your husband.
I’ve been thinking about the topic of communication sooo much that I’m going to be offering an online workshop series on the topic of communication this month. You’ll get the chance to join me via live video (from the comfort of your own home) where I’ll be leading 4 “communication classes” where you’ll get new skills, new tools and communication activities that help you break through some of the barriers standing in the way of better communication. You’ll get to ask me questions and receive some of my best coaching techniques to communicate without all the stress and tension you have right now.
Get on the early notice list and be the first to know when it’s available and receive special early-bird pricing. Space is limited to only 25 people, so if you really want better communication, make sure you get all the details for this amazing workshop series! Get on the early list by clicking the button below!
Click Here to Get on the List
Like what you read here? I have a private Facebook group where I’d love for you to join me. I’m there daily offering encouragement, support and inspiration to help you create a marriage that you love. We’re over 1,000 members strong! Request to join us and receive more motivation and tips on how to improve your communication! CLICK HERE TO JOIN US!